Red + Head

I'm mad at my genetics. A dad with red hair and maternal aunts and uncles who are gingers. A grandpa and a brother who both have had melanoma. It was only a matter of time....

(Nevermind that I sped up the process by tanning in a tanning bed....)

When I read all of the risk factors for this stupid disease, I basically can say, "Yep, that's me," all the way down the list. Sometimes I'm happy to tic all the boxes, but not this time.

I remember when I used to hope my children were redheads. I feel akin to those with the same auburn tint as me and I wanted that for my kids. Not any more. I hope they all have dark hair like their dad. I hope they don't get my freckles.

I hope they don't get my genetics...

Here, Moley, Moley.....

Body checks. Yuck.

When you're a redhead, you have freckles and moles. Lots of them. So how do you know when something changes? What if it's just new and not scary?

Every month (at least) I have to look ALL OVER and check for changes in my skin. I feel like an explorer who doesn't know what she's looking for. I second guess every little spot, and ask my husband, "Does this look funny?"

One of the best decisions I've made concerning my melanoma is printing off the front and back of the human body. I've marked this paper with the moles I find most concerning. Then I go on and describe the mole. This has really helped me to feel a little more in control.

The Future Looks Shadey

OK...so I feel like I'm jumping around. WELCOME TO MY MIND!

When I think about having melanoma, it seems like a lifelong thing. Yuck. I wish it would just go away. I think back to my carefree days in the sun - staying outside as long as I wanted, putting on whatever sunscreen I could find, wearing tank tops. *Sigh*

I mostly feel badly for my family. I feel like because of my choices they will suffer. Mom can't go to the waterslide park without a care. Dan's wife can't go fishing all day without thinking twice about the last time she applied sunscreen. We can't all just go for a walk on a whim.

But hey, I'm here. I get to be a part of everything. But I still think melanoma sucks.

Dermatologist

I should tell more about my story, but I have to write about my appointment this week to get my mind off of things....

I go in on Thursday to see my dermatologist. I am soooo dreading it. It has been almost 6 months since I found my first melanoma and 3 months since my last moles were removed. At my last appointment my doctor was worried about a few spots, but I talked her out of removing them. Now I want them GONE! I know it's vain, but I'm worried because these will be the first spots I won't be able to hide.

Until Thursday, I'll try to keep my mind off of it.